Lately, I've been feeling really empowered because I have been working out consistently for a month. Last week I got my diet in order, and I have seen amazing results. I fell down in the past but I got back up, and I've made some significant changes to help me succeed this time.
Yesterday, my friend, who recently found out her boyfriend has cancer, asked me to have a Girl's Night Out. She is being an amazing girlfriend and totally supportive of him and this life-altering struggle for his health. This also so happens to be a friend that constantly stands me up, or will be almost an hour late; not call until she is a half hour late; lie about the time she left or how close she is to the destination.
Last week we were supposed to get together to cook healthy meals and divvy them out--our own version of Nutri-System...well we were making real food, so let's say Diet-to-Go (which I will be trying and reviewing here in August). After I've called several times, the time came when we were supposed to meet, and I could not get in contact with her. A half hour later, I get a text apologizing saying she was sleep. I responded (in hindsight, passive-aggressively)- "I'm used to it, some other time." She sent another text apologizing to which I didn't respond. Two days later, I decided to put my feelings aside and check on her because I know she is having an incredibly hard time, so I gave her a quick call and we chatted.
So when she asked me to hang out, I was hesitant. I asked her what she meant by a "Girl's Night Out" and she said: "You know, get dressed up, go to a club or lounge, let loose." All this was via text message, so I told her to call me. When we spoke, I told her I would like to hang out, but I can't go to an alcohol centered venue. I know myself, and at this point I will fall into the temptation if I go to a club or lounge. I really don't want to derail my diet since I am doing so well. I also expressed my concerns about her time management skills after which she said "Nevermind then."
Me: "So since I spoke up you don't want to hang out?"Her: "Well you have all these stipulations about what you will and won't do, and I wan't to hang out and not worry about calories and drinks--so nevermind."Me: "Ookay then"
Later on, I sent her a text of relaxing alternatives (yoga, roller-skating, salsa lessons) to which I received no response. Hours later, when I get off work, I check my phone to see a flurry of text messages:
"I know your time is valuable. I just needed a friend on Friday and you couldn't see past your anger. Then I tell you I want to go out and get away from my trouble and the first thing you say is all this things you don't want to do. What about what I may need. You are sticking to your diet and I respect that but it's not on the top of my list."
Well...it's on the top of MY list....and my list is important too.
Which is basically what I told her when I responded in my text (Did I mention I HATE having serious convos over text? Which she knows...). I don't feel like I am being a bad friend for stating my boundaries. I don't want to be around alcohol. If that's your goal, then I am not the friend for that, ask somebody else. For a second, I thought about giving in. I said to myself, "Aw, she just really needs this night to go out and let loose." I quickly scratched that idea because (1) I just can't lose my focus at this point (which is why I offered healthier alternatives) and (2) a true friend who respected my decisions would...respect my decisions!
Talk about pressure!!
What would you do in this situation? Should I have went out with her anyways considering the situation and battle temptation or am I right to stick to my decision?
2 comments:
I would have trusted my ability to exercise restraint, and gone out with her, since she really needed it..and then while I was out, I'd tell her this was the last time. but i wouldn't drink though
Well, Rashad, I don't trust my ability at this point. I tried to compromise...
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