Thursday, August 7, 2008


I was feeling fine. I squeezed my butt into a size 10 jean skirt at Ann Taylor. Although it was a smidge tight, I got it on and there was no mufffin top, so I knew I was weeks away from being able to wear that skirt without looking like a typical Baltimore woman. I felt slimmer, more energetic, and I even managed to go out to eat and not blow my diet.

August 4th marked the official 1 month of my return to healthy lifestyle land. I got on my scale that morning expecting to see some results, not a lot, but just a smidge of change. The scale stated that I gained 5 pounds.

I jumped on my old school spring scale. It read the same. I got a 5 pound weight and placed it on the scale to make sure my spring wasn't broken. It read correctly. I got on my 3rd scale (I know....issues) that weighs 4 pounds lighter. Stood on it (buck nekkid at this point), did the math, and proceeded to....

Call my momma crying in hysterics. How could I GAIN 5 pounds? How could I gaaaaaaaaaaaIIIIN FIVE pounds? After she managed to calm me down, she suggested I go to my doctor and see a nutritionist. I proceeded to make an appointment and actually got in the same day.

They weighed me, as they do on every doctor visit, and I had to hold back the tears as the medical assistant and smiley intern (who was uber skinny and grinning from ear to ear as she informed me it was her first day) recorded my weight..

The doctor asked me a series of questions, confirmed that I gained 20 pounds in 10 months, proceeded to tell me my cholestorol and blood pressure were excellent and I should just be grateful for that and continue to do what I was doing. I know a good amount of the gain was my abandoning my diet and exercise regimen during the school year, but I also suspect it has something to do with the medicine I started 10 months ago. Needless, to say went off that medication and am looking into a replacement. I exercised with a vengeance that evening (small victory).

I woke up, measured myself, and discovered I lost a 1/2 inch off of my waist (1.5 total). I felt relieved, at least SOMETHING is shrinking. I don't know where this 5 lbs. came from. Is it pms? a result of strength training? My response yesterday showed me just how emotionally tied I am to this process and how much my self esteem is connected to my body image. I don't like feeling as though my hard work is not paying off in the way that I want. Moreso, I don't like feeling so emotional over my weight. They say its a matter of exercise and nutrition. Why is my body now working with the numbers? I feel better today, but this kind of sucks.

I have yet to make an appointment with the nutritionist. Lost two pounds, cycle came (so it was PMS), realized I was overreacting AND did not follow the number one rule: stay away from the scale for the first couple of weeks (some say months) and go by inches and clothing fit. I am definitely going to go the route of my fellow blogger "a biscuit away" and stay faaaar away from the scale for a couple more weeks until my body figures out that she needs to hurry up and shed the pounds.

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